Stumbling Into This

I wonder if the world is ready….

Fuck the world! Ok, not the WHOLE world. And especially not YOU since you’re reading this. I thank you for giving your time and attention to me for the moment and hope this won’t be the last time you do so. My name is Illadelphia Vish (not my “gubment” name) and I’ve decided to start a blog/vlog for the purposes of amusing, entertaining, uplifting, enlightening and educating the masses as well as myself. Writing has always been a HUGE part of my life and since I was 5 I’ve written poetry, prose, and songs. Let’s just say everything I’m good at stems from my handiness with the pen and my love of words. My business partner, friend and sister-from-another-mister suggested I do a show/blog/vlog a few months back and I humbly accepted said suggestion. But just because she has faith in my ability to entertain everyone doesn’t mean YOU do. Here are the top 5 reasons you should become an avid reader of The Illy Vish Files:

I’m absolutely the best kind of awesome that exists! Yes, I know, most people think they’re awesome but I’m not most people. DUH! Seriously, I’m well-rounded as fuck hell! As someone who is truly a free thinker with a mind infinitely as open as it is sharp, I truly enjoy observing, pondering on and talking about what goes down in this world of ours. Ever wonder how a 6 foot tall female who is no good at basketball, obsessed with Wu Tang and has sung with Kenny Rogers (yes, THE Kenny Rogers) views the world? Well, come on in and have a seat! Have several seats! You’re about to find out!

I will make your life more meaningful. Seriously, I’m not fucking around here. I’m not saying that by virtue of becoming familiar with me your life will miraculously transform from shit storm to Skittles. I am telling you that some of the lessons I’ve learned that have helped to shape and mold me into the confident, self-assured, loving woman I am today will no doubt be prevalent in some of my posts. I’m like that motivational speaker you need in your life but didn’t ask for; intrusive yet necessary; screaming positive encouragement at you when you least want to hear it but need it the most, like when you’re taking a constipated shit.  C’mon, let me be your non-male, non-gay, non-hairy 6 foot tall Richard Simmons! I’m not making you sweat to any oldies though. Fuck that.

I know good music and good musicians. My musical taste is ridic. Yes, utterly ridiculous. And I mean that in the best way possible. My ears are always open for sounds that move my soul and I consider myself genre-blind. Not checking for folk hip hop? Bet I can get your ears to fall in love with some songs you wouldn’t have otherwise come across!  Not to mention I actually know a lot of people who make music- from well-known artists to emerging newcomers. Some of them promised me interviews. They ‘bet not renege, man. They ‘bet not renege.

I can save you time and money. I frequently do product tests on make up, beauty products, things for the home, etc; weeding out the good from the bad, the over-hyped from the under-promoted. There are constantly new products hitting the market and I’m given access to a lot of them, free of charge just to try. From pain cream laden with CBD and THC to mascara, I’m reviewing it all… just so you don’t have to. Oh yeah and also because I like free shit. Everyone wins! Yay!

My positive attitude will rub off on you. My positive attitude is contagious. Literally. I don’t remember catching an incurable case of no-matter-what-happens-I-see-the-good-in-everything but nonetheless I suffer from this and yes I aim to make you catch it as well. My life has been no cake-walk and I’ve gone through things Lifetime movies are made about but that hasn’t stopped me from appreciating every moment I get on this earth. I don’t know what it is about me that seems to inspire people wherever I go but I figure I let loose enough of it on the daily in my neighborhood, so why not infect the internet? Feel happier yet? Oh, you will!

How can you NOT be looking forward to all that’s to come? I can’t promise you normal but I can promise you randomness and real talk. Speaking of which, please check out THE ABSOLUTE BEST COMMERCIAL I’ve ever seen advertising legal services from Daniel Muessig, Esq who is also a pretty good rapper as well, called  Thanks Dan. I guarantee you’ve never seen an attorney advertise like he does. I’m going to be posting part 1 of a 3 part series on my adventures in online dating shortly, so please stay tuned. I promise you the hilarity that ensues will be funnier than picturing me falling down the steps like the girl in the picture above this post. I’m seriously clumsy, unfortunately. Seriously.

Illy Vish, OUT!